My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

For C******

I wish to tell you a story today. Bear with me; my feelings are very tender. Life is somewhat like a flower with its petal falling off—first the beautiful bloom and then the petals drop off until there is no more life in it.

I've had an eBay group for about 4 years now and we've all become extremely close bearing each others trials and tribulation, successes and yes, failures. One of the women in the group has a grandson, C, who has been very special to us for about a year now. He has suffered with a brain tumor since last summer. I can't even begin to tell you how many operations he has had. He lives in Montana and had to shuttle back and forth between his home and Salt Lake City for so many surgeries we can't even begin to count. We've prayed for this little boy who just turned 6 recently for a year almost constantly. He's been through so many chemotherapy treatments we've lost count on that also. He is loved much by all of us in the group.

Here is the latest from his mom to all of us. Wishing to preserve their privacy and feelings I'm only going to post the last post from his mom:

I'm not sure how to start this, and if i sit here trying to figure out the way to word things, it could take all day.......bear with me. Last Tuesday afternoon, C****** had an MRI of the brain and spine. It was a scheduled one that he missed last week, due to being in ICU at St. James. We had rescheduled for July 1st but i asked them to do it while we were in patient so it would save us a trip back to SLC. A day of waiting for results, and night of having my mind play tricks on me as i tried to sleep, a morning spent with his oncologist and a social worker in a small conference room, telling me the MRI didn't look good. She said it was tumor recurrence, basically that the medullablastoma that they took out almost a year ago is back. And its not just a confined tumor on the back of his brain stem, its surrounding his brain, and has made its way inside, and into his spine. Of course the obvious question is asked by me, "Are you sure?" Kind of a dumb question to a team of specialists who do this year after year and see it all the time, but you have to know. "Yes" is the answer. Then you move onto, "Is there any treatment?" Yes there is treatment, but its a high dose of chemo that could possible end his life. In my spirit, from the moment she told me, i knew what decision, as parents we would make. I knew we couldn't put C****** through another round of hell. His body has taken enough, and it would be selfish for us to think any differently. If he could talk and tell me what he wanted, he would say, "Mom, i hate this, i want to be out of this bed, and free of this, all of it." He has literally spent 2 1/2 months on his back, in a hospital bed. Whether it be in Montana or SLC, he has become a fixture in a hospital room. Not exactly the life of a 6year old boy.
So i cry of course, they tell me the statistics, then they leave me to think. I call B**** at work, i am very matter-of-factly about it, i just tell him how it is. We cry together and even though we had never really sat down and talked about what we'd do if it ever happens, he had the same thoughts as me. It is wrong to torture him again, to subject his tiny body to chemicals that will eventually take him anyways.
My sister showed up that afternoon, she drove from Montana to stay with me, to keep me company. She knew when she walked in there was something wrong. She was a saving grace on Tues. Wed. and Thurs. I was able to cry with her, and laugh with her. She helped take my mind off the situation, if only for moments at a time. B**** and I knew we wanted to get C****** home as soon as we could. So began the fight with our insurance company to approve a quick ride home for him because of the situation. Thanks go out to all the social workers at St. James and Primary's for all the phone calls and pushing this to happen for our family. At the last minute it was the director of oncology that said, "Send them on a life flight, we will cover it, he needs to be home." God bless that woman!
So we left Primary's Thursday at about 5:30, C****** and I on a flight, and my sister headed home in her car. The flight was short. Montana was cold. They put him on the 5th floor here, in a nice quiet room, C****** is here to rest and stay comfortable. B**** met us here with the rest of the kids. We had to be honest with them and tell it like it is. We all cried together and hugged. I was thankful we had decided to wait until i was here to tell them. G**** of course, is too young to fully comprehend everything. He just ran around the room passing out tissue to everyone. He said, "Mom, i feel some tears coming, but they just won't come out of my face."
Our family has watched C****** struggle with a lot of different things over the past year. This is not new to all of us, not sudden. Even though in a million years, i wouldn't have guessed that MRI would have looked the way it did. I saw it twice, and still second guessed their findings. You are in such shock, and denial, it just doesn't register with you. All the prayers ALL of us prayed over C****** over this past year, were not in vain. They were valuable, they were heard by the Lord, and will continue to be heard. I encourage everyone out there to please continue to lift C****** and our family up, especially at this time. It is a "win, win" situation with him. He is here now and we can believe for a miracle, or he may go on to be in the arms of our Lord, either way is a blessing for C******.
You all know, by this time, i am a positive person, i like to live my life that way, but there is reality too. Through this i won't fall away from the Lord, i will continue to draw close. I will continue to thank him and praise him, because that's what we are told to do, through good times and bad.
I have my moments, but i am trying to be as strong as i have ever been through this whole thing. C****** is comfortable, he isn't having any pain. He is peaceful, and sleeping as i type. I hate this whole thing, but i still love the Lord. As the year has passed, our priorities have changed, our expectations have changed, and again they are changing. I will continue to update, and please continue to pray.


And then this tonight from his grammy:
THIS MORNING WAS HARD AGAIN, SEE ITS NOT A TUMOR PER SAY ON HIS BRAIN--THE CANCER HAS WRAPPED IT SELF ALL AROUND THE BRAIN, SO THERE COULD BE NO SURGERY TO REMOVE ANY ONE THING. HE HARDLY HAD ANY OF THE GOOD CELLS NEEDED TO FIGHT AFTER ALL HE HAS BEEN THROUGH..

WE JUST GOT HOME, I SPENT THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT--HE IS IN A LARGE ROOM TO ACCOMMODATE ALL THE FAMILY..THEY HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TO G*** AND ALL OF US...
TODAY HE WAS VERY RIGID, VERY SHAKY AND HIS HEART RATE WAS OVER THE TOP--TOO MUCH OF THAT FOR ME..
LAST NIGHT HE WAS AWAKE AND I SAT AND HELD HIS HAND AND TALKED ABOUT ALL THE THINGS WE SHARED IN THE SHORT 6 YEARS OF HIS PRECIOUS LIFE....HE USE TO SAY, "GRAMMY, I CANT WAIT TO GET TO HEAVEN SO I WONT HAVE DIABETES ANY MORE".........AND AMEN HE WON'T...
SO, THEY HAVE PUT HIM ON MORPHINE NOW, AND HE IS RELAXED (ALONG WITH MANY OTHER DRUGS) HIS HEART RATE HAS SLOWED DOWN, AND SHE SAID HE PROBABLY WON'T OPEN HIS EYES NOW, WILL SLIP INTO A COMA AND BASICALLY JUST GO ON....AND ONTO OUR SWEET SAVIOR WHERE HE WILL BE WHOLE AND HEALTHY AND HAPPY AND WITH MANY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WAIT FOR HIM...I AM JEALOUS THEY GET TO KISS HIS SWEET CHEEKS AND NOT ME--BUT WILLING TO SHARE TIL WE COME TOO.

PRAYER IS ALWAYS WELCOME CONNIE, AND YOU HAVE TO PERMISSION TO BLOG, YOURS IS A WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE SPOKEN OF...
OH I LOVE YOU TO, AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY--YOU GIRLS AND YOUR PRAYERS AND YOUR LOVE HAVE HELPED SO MUCH FOR ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS.

So C****** won't be getting better. I ask all of you who are reading this to contact everyone you know who believes in prayer and to pray for this sweet child. He won't be with us much longer but his family certainly needs prayer. This is the hardest post I've ever had to write. We all loved C very much. We will miss his sweet antics.






This is him just a couple of weeks ago.

So just like the beautiful petals that fall from the flower, this sweet child may have passed on before this is posted. It has been a terribly hard day for all of us in group because we've been there from the beginning of this with him. We all loved him and his family very much and have witnessed their trial and prayed almost every single day for him. We will miss you, C, and you will be in our hearts for a very long time.
~*~

40 comments:

  1. Oh, Connie! I'm so sorry to hear this about this little boy! I am praying for him and his family as I type! I'm so thankful they are a Christian family and that they know where their strength comes from. My heart is breaking for them.
    Blessings,
    Shelia

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  2. Dear Sweet Connie, I am so sad that this poor child and his family have had to go through this. even though we don't understand why it happens, we just trust in the Lord that He will take a child as an angel so the pain won't be too much......it is hard for those of us left behind. I must say with the friendship you and others give to this family, I pray that they will know in their hearts how strong you are to be able to post this message. You are a blessing to them, compassionate and caring. I will keep all of them in my prayers and you too dearie, cause you are so special!!!
    Hugs,
    Margaret B

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  3. Just prayed for L and C and feel sick inside. I am glad of her strong faith, and know Our Lord will carry them through this :( It has been such a tragic year for so many in the group, I am glad they have you at the Helm, Chickie :) Hugs and kisses....

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  4. Oh, this made me cry. No child should have to go through this.

    Is there any way to help? Donations?

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  5. Well love, what can we say...
    what a horrible thing to have happen to a sweet little boy. I wish I knew just one little answer to why????
    We who love and serve the Lord God and lean on His son can only trust that he will be in the most beautiful place..in the most perfect peace..In the light and arms of One who loves him completely. My heart goes out to his family..I can't imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes.
    May God bless all of you who love this sweet boy, and I will pray you will find peace.
    Big Hugs..(((Connie)))
    I can tell you are in so very much pain,too.
    glenda

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  6. Don't know how you were able to see to type this sweet post. I've been crying most of the day, too.

    Much Love & Prayers,
    Sis
    Angelic Accents

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  7. DEAR PRECIOUS CONNIE,
    I CAN HARDLY TYPE THIS FOR THE TEARS. SO VERY YOUNG...LIFE IS SUCH A MYSTERY BUT THEN WHEN WE GET TO HEAVEN IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE. THERE WERE SEVERAL CHILDREN WITH MEDULLABLASTOMA WHEN AMY AS A CHILD HAD RHABDOMYOSARCOMA. IT IS A NASTY CANCER BUT THEY ALL SURVIVED EVEN WHEN THE DRS. SAID THEY WOULDN'T. WHEN AMY'S TRACH WAS PLACED IN AUGUST AND THEY SAID SHE WOULD BE GONE IN 2 DAYS, SHE SUFFERED UNTIL OCTOBER 23, 2009. SHE NEVER SLIPPED INTO A COMA...SHE JUST STARTED BLEEDING EVERYWHERE AND WAS GONE IN SECONDS................
    I AM PRAYING AS I TYPE THIS FOR C AND HIS FAMILY. YES, HE WILL WIN BY GOING TO BE WITH THE LORD BUT UNFORTUNATELY EVEN AS CHRISTIANS AND STRONG ONES...IT IS HEART WRENCHING TO LOSE A CHILD AND THEY WERE ONLY ABLE TO ENJOY HIM FOR 6 YEARS...SOOO VERY SAD
    C IS VERY BRAVE AND SO IS HIS FAMILY.
    I WILL PLACE THEM ON EVERY PRAYER LIST I KNOW OF INCLUDING MY OWN....WE DON'T KNOW WHAT GOD HAS DECIDED....OH I AM SO VERY HAPPY THIS IS A CHRISTIAN FAMILY.
    I WILL PRAY FOR YOU ALSO AND ALL THE OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR GROUP...YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT WILL MEAN SO MUCH TO THIS FAMILY BUT YOU WILL NEED GOD'S STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH THE GRIEF YOURSELF. YOU ARE A PEARL OF WISDOM, MY FRIEND
    LOVE AND HUGS
    SIMPLY DEBBIE

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  8. OMG I am crying right now. I don't know what to say other then I'm so sorry and will have him and his family in my prayers.

    What a brave boy and mother. How hard it must be to watch your child go through all he has.

    How does one let go of a 6 year old?

    How heartbreaking. I pray that God continues to give the family the strength and comfort of knowing their little one will be happy once again and very very well taken care of. God must want him home for a reason greater then we can ever think of.

    Hugs,
    Joanne

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  9. Dear Connie, I will hold C and his family gently in my thoughts and in my own way pray for their hearts and souls to be gently supported through this time of torment... it does seem so unfair but he has brought love and perhaps changed the people who have known hims perception of what is important and I think everyone that sets foot on this earth teaches everyone something during their stay... he has taught so many people so many different things... compassion, love, to not take life too seriously, to live for the moment and show everyone around you how special and wonderful they are... his passing will be sad but his memory will live on and with that he will always be with you...

    sorry to waffle on.. but I hold your hand and comfort you during this tough time

    big hugs
    Alex

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  10. Connie what can I say.
    My thoughts are with this sweet little man and his beautiful family. Such a terrible thing
    Alison

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  11. Oh my goodness!! there is nothing to be said, except how much easier (If that is possible) to hear of someone leaving earth for eternity, except when you know where that eternity is for them. How Blessed for that little boy that he was born into a Christian Family (both blood and blog)... May their grieving time be spent wrapped in the arms of our Saviour.

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  12. Oh Connie ~ I am so very sorry to read about this precious little boy ~ I will so very much keep him and his families in my prayers as they go through this ~ I will pray for God's peace that only He can give ~

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  13. I'm weeping as I type this. What a beautiful little boy. What an amazingly strong and lovely family. I will be upholding them in prayer.

    Love,
    Patti

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  14. Connie, I have a 5 year old so boy can I relate to this age. How sad this story is but thank you for telling us. I can't begin to think how this family is handling this part of their life, something they never bargained for or probably expected would ever happen to them. I hope they can lean on each other at this difficult time and hopefully the day will come soon when they can speak of their sweet child and remember the good times and his laughter without the pain of death clouding the memories.
    Kathy

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  15. Oh how my heart breaks for this family. There really are no words..only prayer. I am so thankful they do have the Lord in their lives to help them thru this..
    Myrna

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  16. Oh, Connie! My heart is breaking for this family. What a precious little guy they were blessed with, if only for a way-to-short time. I am lifting them all up in prayer!!

    Hugs,
    Rebecca

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  17. Connie...May you and the Family of this Precious GiftChild find peace and comfort in the joyful memories and special friendship. It is so difficult to understand, yet uplifting to see that Faith holds this Family and Friends together. Praise and Prayers go to you all.

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  18. Connie this is such a tragic story and all too common too in families all over the world.The pictures make it so much more heartbreaking, such a young child who should have his life before him! Have you come across the blog www.bellamella-melanie.blogspot.com? This brave lady lost her beautiful son aged 12yrs. last December 2009 to cancer and has written about it in her blog. Your friend might find it comforting in time,as this lady and her family have a very deep faith which has helped them through. Will remember this family in my prayers,so very sad.

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  19. Connie,
    I came over to visit your WBC party & saw this post. I am beside myself with grief for this poor family. I have 3 toddlers of my own & the unimaginable thought of one of them becoming sick is too much to even contemplate.
    My prayers go out to the family, oh the pain they are in. I have no words. Lisa

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  20. connie, i'm in tears..to think of that boy and all he's going through not to mention the family.

    my thoughts are with you all...
    he's such a sweetie...
    and how tragically symbolic - the comparison of the flowers...

    touching and thought provoking...
    i'm going to leave my computer right now and give my two healthy children an extra special squeese and take a mintue to truly appreciate that moment!

    ciao bella
    carmelina

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  21. Oh...such a sweet little boy on his way to Our Savior and Lord. Peace be unto him and his family. He has gone through so much and as he prepares for his transition home...know that there are Angel surrounding him to take him home. God bless you Connie for writing and of course to this beautiful child and his family..God is with you...

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  22. Overcome with tears... words fail me Connie. Saying a prayer for this courageous family and their dear little boy.
    Hugs for you too,
    Kerryanne

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  23. It is hard to put into words. What a beautiful little boy my thoughts and prayers to the amazing family of this little boy. It makes you think about life and how we should treasure our own children more. I am going to kiss my kids and tell them i love them even more than I do now. I send all my love to this little boy and his family at this time! He has a lot of love & Prayers from all over the world! thanks for sharing such a hard Story! I am still crying!

    have a beautiful day Lisa

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  24. My heart breaks as I read this post, but my spirit is inspired by the faith of the family! I will be praying for this sweet child and his loving family and for all the friends who have been by his side! May the grace of God give the strength and peace.

    Malisa

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  25. Oh Connie, tears have been in my eyes throughout this post. I can't begin to imagine the pain he has dealt with in his young life. Why does this happen? I know there are no answers. But I pray for his family and for this sweet boy who has had to endure so much.

    xo
    Claudia

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  26. How heartbreaking. I don't know which person in the group you are talking about, I was in the group for a while and might know her. Please, please send a hug a long from me.

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  27. My dear sweet Connie...so very well said! My heart is heavy and is with their family as you know...
    I LOVE you!
    Lorena

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  28. OH how sad. I am so moved and inspired by his family and their faith. I pray for them but mostly for the little boy. I pray that the Lord takes him so he will not suffer anymore and will finally have the chance to be a child and just be. I pray for his mother so much because as a mother I can not fathom what she must feel.
    tammy

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  29. So hard, so hard.... I prayed for C's family. My heart aches for them.

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  30. What a heart rending story. It is always hard to understand why some precious little children have to go through something like this, and the rest of the family suffers so much too. I will be praying for them, that God will send his comfort and for healing if he wills it.

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  31. Hello Connie, it's been a year of us praying for C and I will continue to hold C and his family up in prayer. So sad my heart just breaks for them. I've cried alot of tears and can't even imagine how they must feel. Live is so hard sometimes.
    Love you, Shirl
    Shirls Rose Cottage

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  32. Oh Connie,
    I don't even know what to say. My heart goes out to that dear sweet boy and especially his family that has to say goodbye. My own son is 6 , and I can't even imagine having to say goodbye when he's only been here for these 6 short years. No mother should ever have to lose a child, you just wonder why. I will pray for that precious little angel and his family. Please send them my love and prayers!
    Take care.
    Sincerely,
    Melinda

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  33. Oh Connie,
    How tragic. I am sitting here blubbering like a baby and my dogs are looking at me wondering why my computer is making me cry. That poor family, I cant even imagine their sorrow. I pray for their poor broken hearts to find some comfort in this sad sad time. I am so sorry that you are hurting with them right now.
    Know that me and the Pixies are sending sparkly prayers and hugs to you and the family.
    Tobi and the Pixies

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  34. Dear Connie.
    I have no words, but I know God hears....
    Hugs, Rhondi

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  35. It has been a long time since I have read such heart felt words Sweet Connie... & in return I send both this brave brave family & you my tears & my prays......

    Lyn xxx

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  36. Dear Sweet Connie, I am trying to type through the tears and this shouldn't happen to anyone much less a 6 year old sweet looking boy. I will pray for a miracle, but if it's God's will, take the pain away while he lays in waiting for Jesus to guide him home. I am a miracle, so I do believe that they happen when God has a reason. His mother and grandmother sound like their Faith is strong, because I am not sure I could take it. You are a dear sweet friend for this family and May our Lord Bless all of you. Many prayers and blessings headed their way. Hugs, Pat

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  37. Hello Connie,
    I was coming to your blog because you visited mine and I wanted to write some happy words, and then I read this story about the little boy. It makes me so sad. I see my own children playing in the sunshine in the garden and I realize how rich we are. Thank God they have their faith to hold on to.
    Blessings from Luxembourg,
    Natacha

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  38. Oh gosh, Connie, what a post! That sweet little boy! His poor family! I just could not ever imagine going through something like that. Thank goodness for their faith which will see them through. My heart breaks for all that are affected by this. I have a lump in my throat. His sweet little face, I will never forget.

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