My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Will You Love Me When..........

First of all, a little eye candy for you. As most of you know I absolutely adore, love roses but if there is a little "chick" in the picture along with it, then it's even more special to me. So here is some ephemera for you. And please enlarge it for a bigger image.

I'm feeling soppy, syrupy and maudlin today so bare with me. I'm not even going to apologize for this because I just need to lay my heart and soul on the line today. You can indulge me or click off to another blog post; it really doesn't matter to me if you don't want to hear it again. I can definitely understand. I'm writing this on saturday night and scheduling it for monday just in case I decide I can't bear to see it in print.

I laid awake last night just thinking of my son and what he's still going through, but it wasn't just that.

Late at night when Morpheus won't visit, I'll lie awake silently and think my deepest, most intimate thoughts and let the tears flow onto the pillow and just hope my spouse doesn't awaken so I don't have to explain those deep intimate reveries and can just have the thoughts to myself privately and tiptoe through them quietly at my leisure when feelings are so tender. I think some people might understand this. But our son's condition started the whole the "journey" of the finding of the "perfect makeup."

He's still not doing well even with the sleeping pills. Plus there has been no change in his headaches—still horrendous pain, eyes, ears ringing and whoosing in his ears. I wish I could say it's improving but it isn't yet. I've wept more tears than I'd ever thought possible because when this happens to someone to whom you've given birth it hurts intolerably. I've been told these things take time but hubby and I are still going to do a fast for him tomorrow.

The other thing, which I'm guessing is common in marriages that have survived for many years, where lots of true love has endured and as we creep—because I shall always "creep" and not "leap"— into old age, are some thoughts that kept running through my consciousness last night. I believe that as we come to the twilight and midnight of our years on earth we all share similar feelings.

Will you still love me when my face wrinkles and crinkles around the eyes and mouth?

Will you still love me when I can barely get out of the chair or the car pretending like nothing hurts and fake it for the first few steps so people won't think I'm an old lady?

Will you still love me when everything that can sag does?

Will you still love me when I can't determine the true color of my skin because of all the age spots?

Will you still love me when my dentist owns most of my teeth?

Will you still love me when the optometrist can't determine how many pairs of glasses I'll need for my activities?

Will you still love me when I'm stooped over and need your strong arm to help me up?

Will you still love when when my hair looks frosted from so much gray in it?

Will you still love me when I don't have the energy to iron your pants and shirts because I can't stand that long?

Will you still love me when I'd rather eat out because it's so much easier for me than cooking even though you LOVE my cooking more than restaurants?

Will you still love me when my feet don't work as well as they used to and I hold your hand, not because that's how we've always done it, but because I can't make it without your beautiful hands helping me now?

Will you still love me when I have an extra 10 lbs. or then it creeps up each year to whatever it is and I hate to tell you the actual truth?!

Will you still love me when I'm not that young slender girl coming down the stairs in my white wedding gown that you've always told me is the image you'll always remember of me even after all these years of marriage?

Will you miss the times when we can finally share the intimate moments that were so tender when they actually happened that the memory had to dim a bit to be able to voice them to each other?

Will you still love me and remember the moments when you would hold me in your arms and tell me that "things will be alright" when we're going through a crisis and let me know how much you love me?

Will you still love me when I may not even remember who you are; although you constantly tell me you'll never forget me?

Will you still love me when I'm gone before you and awaiting your presence by my side and missing you so terribly?

I know I'll miss you with every beat of my heart because I can't even imagine not having you and your strong, loving arms around me.

Dear readers, you were warned. My heart is very tender lately.


  1. I love this post....and expresses my feelings many days...

    Also saw on your sidebar that you like Macs. Just bought my first one and am afraid to take it out of the box...totally itimidated by it....Hope that will change....

    You have some great tutorials on here for new bloggers.
    I am making me some copies to read tomorrow and maybe learn a few tricks.

  2. Just sending you a lot of hugs, Connie.


  3. Oh Connie I just hope that things improve for your son. It makes life so hard on us girls emotionally when our 'babies' are hurting. Doesn't matter how old they get they are still our babies.
    I can so relate to your post today. Maybe it is how we feel when we get to a 'certain age'
    Take care

  4. Connie:
    I was melancholy and weepy before I read your beautiful post. You so touched my heart and said all the things I think too. You are a special person. I hope you don't take this wrong but I have never known a person in the Mormon religion and so knew nothing about it and you have shown me your faith and I am touched by how you live your life. I am proud to think of you as a friend. I continue to pray for your son and try hard to understand how we forgive this kind of senseless violence. You are one special lady.

    The Raggedy Girl

  5. Oh Chick, we might not be on the highest rung if you remember yesterdays reference, but I think we're pretty darn close despite our colorful zest. This post proves it. lol


  6. Oh, sweet Connieness! I'm sorry for all you're going through right now, but so glad you were honest and told us that way I know how to pray for you! I continue to think and pray for your dear son! And Connie, as a mother too, I know we hurt so much when our children do. I'm not claiming to know how you feel - I've not gone through anything like this, but my heart goes out to you as well as my prayers, dear one!
    Shelia ;)

  7. Hi Connie, I came to your blog from Elizabethd's meme, where I read that you hadn't been tagged so I tagged you... and then read your blog. Please don't feel under any pressure to respond,unless you want to. Best wishes.

  8. praying for you and your family. it is understandable why you are feeling the way you. you and your family have been through so much.

  9. Connie,
    Thank you for sharing such private and tender thoughts with us. I do think that Heavenly Father has blessed women with these tender feelings so that the world doesn't become too harsh. Our calling and roll as mother is truely the most nobelest of all and I am honored to be a mother.
    I can relate to your thoughts on wanting to be reassured when you begin to doubt yourself. We all will grow old someday and I'm sure we all have our doubts. Having your best friend by your side is so comforting. Have you watched the NOTEBOOK? I absolutly love that movie because of the message about the test of time for someone you love. Oh no, I am tearing up as I type. It is getting blurry so I better say good bye.


  10. Dearest Connie,

    I read each and every word of yoru blog post and want you to know that I feel for you my sweet friend. I couldn't have written my true feelings better myself as the tears were streaming down my face.

    I am holding you and your son deep in my heart so you might have a minute or two respite from the pain you must be enduring. I think of you daily and pray for you and your family. I understand you and want you to know that I am always here for you whether via email or in spirit.

    You are truly an amazing, beautiful person inside and out and I am glad to know you and call you my friend.

    xo Cathy

  11. Connie, how well I know all those thoughts. I'm sure it is natural to feel a bit low whilst you are going through so much.
    I so hope you have better news of your son soon.

  12. Oh Lordy Connie ~ I'm sitting here at work reading this and trying so hard not to let the tears flow down my face. I think these things every night as I'm laying in bed. I so hope that things improve for your son and I pray that every night.

    Big hugz,

  13. Hi Connie,
    Gosh, What a post you did for today.. WoW !! Especially since I'm having my ssshhh..49th birthday tomorrow..yikes.. When you can remember your parents at that age, and thinking they were old..oohhh know..hahaha..I'm so glad you came by to visit.. Okay, I just read that about your Son, I can't even believe this has happened.. Our Country is just .. well..bad off.. I'm very disappointed that these "things", could even do this ?! I'm sorry, but NO human being could do this to another, and are they so tough to gang up on one.. Connie, please know I will also include you and your family in my prayers..Is there even a place in Hell for monsters like these.. I'm sooo upset !! Forgive me... I'll check back for updates, and please come by to say hello to me again.. love and hugs to you.. ~~tea~~

  14. Hi Connie,

    Sorry to hear that your son isn't doing as well as you hoped. Head injuries take a LONG time. I have a friend who suffers from a head injury...
    Thanks for sharing the "Will You Love Me"...those are some of my thoughts also..
    Take care.
    Deb :)

  15. Connie,I am so sorry you are feeling sad.I hope your son is able to get better soon and the headaches will go away.Your post really reminded me of the Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.His books are wonderful.Hugs to you.Jen

  16. Oh Connie,

    I am so sad for you as I write this. I cannot even imagine how hurt and worried you must be after all that your son has had to go through and continues to go through.

    When I hear you say the "Will You Still Love Me's,I have had those very same thoughts of late. As we age, I believe all of us have these thoughts and feelings and too those of you who don't I say "your time is coming".

    God bless you Connie. I will be thinking of you.


  17. Hi Connie.... I think those are universal feelings what you've expressed here so nicely... those are every woman fears and hopes... and I wish for you happiness and love for ever...

    May flowers and sunshine line your way today


  18. Will continue praying for your dear son... so sorry to hear he's not totally well yet.... we're sending angels through prayer...


  19. Nice ideas and experience shared on such a nice romantic topic.

  20. I just heard of your son's horrific beating & wanted to come express my sympathies & offer a prayer. I'm sorry he's having such a hard time ...maybe time will improve his condition.

    Your family is in my prayers.

  21. Ah, just checkin' on ya sweetie. So sorry for all that you've gone through. xorachel

  22. (((Connie)))
    Your son has been in my prayers and now I will continue to pray for you. Many hugs my friend.

  23. Oh, I am crying. That was absolutely beautiful, and touched so many chords with me. I'm also crying for your son. I'm so sorry he is still having so much trouble. I am praying for him. It is just so unjust for him to have to go through what he is going through. I have a friend who calls a post like this "heart plopping". I love that term, and I'm so glad when someone does some heart plopping on their blog. A lot of what you are saying is what so many others are feeling and not saying. laurie

  24. You know that J will always love you & all of US will, too, sweet sis!

    And yes, I'm crying right now. This is the post you told me to read....and I do love it. You are such a beautiful and loving person, Connie, & I thank God for your friendship & encouragement & guidance always!

    Angelic Accents

  25. Hi Connie,

    It was so nice of you to stop by for a visit! Your comment was so sweet and uplifting (and just when I really needed it too!)
    So I came to visit and thank you, then got to reading your "Will you love me when" post and started to cry, then read on about your son, and started crying uncontrollably. Oh!! my just heart aches for you, him, and your family.

    I just want to give you a big hug!
    So here it is (((((HUG))))).
    I'll be praying for his speedy full recovery, and peace of mind for you sweetie.
    I'll check back for updates too!

    Take Care,

    P.S. On a bit of a lighter note and being fairly new to blogging I read your bloggers etiquette message and found it very helpful.
    Thanks again!

  26. Just breaks my heart for you, Jack, Nan and your sons family.


Comments are so nice and I thank all of you that leave one for me.