My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Random Musings on A Wintery Snowy Day

First of all, thank you all for your kind wishes for a speedy recovery and for ANY recovery at all. It is much appreciated—AND needed—along with prayers.

I'd like to catch all of you up on just what's been going on with me. It's been a rough 3 months but I'm finally feeling some relief. Two weeks ago in church I walked in and sat down in our usual spot—5th pew back from the front. My visiting teacher was behind me and leaned forward and asked me how I was doing. That did it! I started bawling and couldn't stop. I was totally embarrassed and realized later I should have just gotten up and gone home at that point. It just all came crashing down at that point. I was feeling lonely, depressed, unloved and much more, plus my makeup and mascara were totally gone. I can't even imagine what the men sitting up on the podium must have been thinking, but then men don't express their feelings as women do, so they probably had no idea how in bad a shape I was in.

I take a very mild dose of an anti-depressant, actually 1/2 a pill, and have for about 10 years. It was at that point I realized I needed to up it to the full pill and yes, that has helped. I'm a very, very active participant in my health care along with my incredible doctor. She listens to me and I listen to her. She agrees with me because she knows me to be a very strong, intelligent and capable women. I love her for that.

Now, besides the pulled hamstring and groin and probably from stress, I got a sore on the left side of my mouth. It hurt so badly I couldn't open my mouth or talk very well. The doctor and I tried 3 different things on it but nothing would help. Finally she suggested—as a last resort before sending me to a dermatologist—a hydrocortizone cream and that has worked. See below what I've been dealing with and I'm NUTS for putting up such a closeup of this old face. It looks much worse in this closeup. But let me tell you it HURT! The cream has cured that and I'm back to my lovely self. ;-)

Am I now sounding pathetic and depressed for myself? Yes, I am, but I deserve to feel that for what I've been through. I'm fine now or will be soon. Do not feel sorry for me; I do a great job of it all by myself and don't need any help, thank you!

Now for the 2nd part. I've been comfort fooding! You're probably wondering how I could do that with my mouth hurting so much and barely able to open my mouth. I adjusted; food never stops us, right?! Yep, isn't that what happens when we all have stress? So, I'm doing something about it. Hubs and I visited our local sports store and bought this equipment for me to start using for ALL my muscles. It looks simple, easy, inexpensive and doable. I got a 3 pound weight, a set of ankle weights for the legs and these cables. Easy to do. Hardly any room needed to do the exercises so I'm starting that to get these old muscles in shape. (Uuuuh, I may still have a melt down or two, depending on how hard it is to get hubby to take me out more often for eating.)

And that's the end of the whine...for today anyway.


It's snowed the last couple of days and I've pretty much stayed in the house. I don't do well driving in snow since I've pretty much lived in warm climes before moving to Idaho. I absolutely love cold weather though, snuggling down with a cup of hot chocolate and some warm pumpkin bread. I made some last night, which brings me to a musing: Why do some people answer a question with a question or a "yes or no" question with no direct yes or no? Last night I asked hubby if he wanted me to slice him a piece of pumpkin bread for his lunch tomorrow. He said, "That would be nice." He always does this. Rarely ever a YES or NO. After 49 1/2 years of marriage I still don't understand it. Could it be his Marine training?

While out snapping the photos for this post I noticed the tinkle of water in the spout. I guess the bit of snow on our roof is melting fast. Loved catching the drips in progress.

Also while out there I listened to the tinkling of the wind chime and when I looked down I noticed one of its pipes laying in the grass at the edge of the patio. I'm going to have to re-thread the wind chime I think. Also I noticed the little flower trying to survive among the sheltering dead grass. How we all cling to life when it's our time to go!

And finally some eye candy of beautiful cups I have. We don't have many because we don't drink coffee or tea, usually just hot chocolate or an herb tea. But I love having them around just for their beauty.

While swiffering the kitchen today, I stepped on a tiny pebble or something. Why is it when you do that and try to find it you can't find it again to pick it up? Nope, I never did find it, just swiffered over the small area again hoping it caught in the swiffer pad.

To understand the grandeur of simple things, one must humble oneself.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Okay, I know I can fly on an airplane, but I choose to NOT fly on airplanes anymore. I flew for my company when I worked but when retiring I swore I would never fly again. So far, I've kept that commitment.

I read this some weeks ago on the internet and was simply astounded of the arrogance and ignorance of this man. He is a brilliant theoretical physicist, which just goes to show you that even the smartest people are brain-dead. If you are religious at all, you have to believe God gave us this wonderful world. I never question my God.
Stephen Hawking declares God did not make universe.

While visiting with my doctor the other day, she mentioned she was having a jewelry party. I almost thought she was going to invite me. Mixed emotions: thinking someone you like will invite you to the jewelry/tupperware/candle party! I hastily changed the subject and departed.

I also read a piece about Drew Barrymore cooing and gushing over visiting a third world country and going poo in the words. In her words, she thought it was just the best thing that could have ever happened, so freeing, so environmental. Miss Barrymore, what in the world is freeing and environmental about your poo sitting out there for someone to step in?! Hmmmm??? Give me a toilet! Please!! It seems to me she's standing on the corner of Ignorance and Bliss with no clue.

More in a few days. If I sit too long, I'll have to do more exercise. Heaven forbid!!


  1. Bless your sweet heart Connie. Isn't it always that way. Someone asks a simple question or makes a simple statement and our flood gates open. Denying our feelings and emotions can't last forever, they will make their appearance. I know how you feel so well myself. I'm glad you have a Dr. that you're comfortable with and glad that you bumped up your medication even if only for a short while. Stress can take such a toll.

    You have the most beautiful skin. And those cold sores are awful, awful painful. Just like a simple paper cut it just aches.

    You're in my prayers Sweetie!
    Hugs and love, Tracy :)

  2. Hello you... long time no visit and I do appologise for that.. :(
    Life has been a little grey and dreary for me of late and I have dropped blogging a little... I think we are all feeling a little low and I know exactly where you are coming from... I will not pity you or feel sorry for you as more negativity will not help to balance your emotions.. instead I send you joy, laughter and love and a big scrummy hug!

    x Alex

  3. Hi Connie - You needed the release that you got when you cried in church. You have been through so much, my friend. I bet you felt better after that - exhausted, but better. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling stronger.

    I do drink coffee, but I never use my pretty cups! I just like to see them. I use a regular old mug, instead.

    We haven't had any snow yet, in fact, it's been a little warmer lately. If this year is like last year, we will get trounced in January - March. But who knows? It's different every year.


  4. Hi Connie! Life does give us lemons sometimes doesn't it? I'm hoping that everything just turns around for you and you will soon be feeling cheerful and pain free. Stay inside today and keep warm and cozy. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving on Thursday!

    Lots of love,
    Susan and Bentley

  5. Hi Connie,
    My goodness Connie,you poor dear!
    I Know one thing for sure, I good cry always makes me feel better, maybe not look any better cuz my eyes always swell up and my nose runs and then I can't I know what you mean..
    Stress from not feeling well can bring on all kinds of things like your sore on the side of your mouth.
    Everything will get better..I have been going through a few health issue's myself and it can get you down.
    Have a very Happy and blessed Thanksgiving!
    Big hugs, Elizabeth

  6. Oh, Connie, I'm so sorry about that sore! It looks miserable. I've been thinking about you. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

  7. Good Morning Connie Sweetie...
    I am happy to hear at least you are able to get out a little, thrilled to hear that the dr. finally found a cream to give you some relief, and that church gave you the comfort you desperately needed. (The men folk are used to us crying. They say we cry about everything, so I am sure they didn't pay you any mind. At least you felt better.)

    I think we are all looking forward to a better year in 2011. I know I certainly am. Learning to move on with my life, and having not much of a speaking voice anymore has been hard for me. I love blogging, as I speak clearly here, and people can hear me just fine.

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving sweetie. You are SO loved. Many hugs and much love, Sherry

  8. Hi Connie!!! I love the picture of the cups. I am glad you are feeling physically a bit better. It is hard at times not to cry, isn't it? I still have the feeling of needing a good cry every now and then, even though it has been over a month since the little lady (mom) died. You have been through a lot these last few months, so cry when you need to, wherever you need to. I do! and yes, I have embarressed myself at times. like when I bought thank you cards (that I still haven't filled out). the lady at the store asked me what I needed them for and I lost it.

    I am glad your sore is gone now. It looked awfully painful. I hope your bigger dose in medicine will help with the depression. I am not sure if I need help yet or not. It hasn't been that long, and most people think I am doing alright, only 1 of my brothers and a couple of cousins say I am not. I don't know. I feel like I am doing alright.

    I hope this Thanksgiving is the best one for you! I hope you get to spend time with Miss C. She is such a doll. My other cousin, Cathy, is here for the week so we are having a pretty good time. She doesn't try to tell me to be happy so that is good. She understands why i am so sad right now.

    Have a happy thanksgiving!!!!!!!

  9. Connie, happy that you cried and let off some relief. I call them tears of joy,because joy always follows me when I have a good cry. I'm sorry but I do have to laugh about the sore on your mouth--I just got over one and it was due to stress and it all came after the fire in the kitchen. Happy to see your new equipment. I have the stretch bands and weights, but I rarely use them anymore. The doctor doesn't want me to stretch like I used to because he is afraid I will tear an adhesion and make things worse---Heaven forbid that happen at this time of year. Oh How I dream of having snow, but not until my children arrive safe and sound. It has snowed 3 Christmas's in a row, but not enough to get excited over. I hope and pray you continue to get better. Love and hugs, Pat

  10. Hi Connie,
    I think a good cry always helps. It is a release and I think it can be healthy. Let it out.
    You have had a lot going on- God Bless you.
    I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
    You are in my prayers sweet one.


  11. Oh dear have been having a rough time of is a little quote that will make you smile "WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS.....HEY FREE LEMONS"....teehee.......

    Feel better soon.


  12. Glad to hear things are gradually improving! The body does have a way of healing it's self.....I think I could have done without the lip close up LOL! Did you say 49 1/2years of marriage,,,,,,,OMG that is fabulous!


  13. Aloha dear Connie;
    My goodness, when it rains it pours. We all need to cry and have our own pity party every now and then or we'll burst. Sounds like the sun is shining through all that rain and I'm glad for you.
    I love your collection of teacups and plates, they're lovely. TFS
    Take care, lots of hugs to you.

  14. Connie, I feel you are on your way to recover, you have to it's two days till Thanksgiving.
    Do you think you should rethink the medication
    that you increased? Big hug Gal.


  15. Oh my dear sweet Connie! Please know I am sending you a cyber hug and that you are in my prayers. I am so thankful that you are on the mend. Your poor mouth. That too could have resulted from stress. Our bodies often show us signs when we ignore ourselves. I am praising Jesus that you were smart enough to go to the doctor. My very best wishes, have a wonderful holiday!

  16. Dear Connie, My heart is going out to you with all you have been through. Please note this is NOT feeling sorry for you. Smile. I too hate people to feel sorry for me about anything. It just makes me cry. Sometimes crying is a good thing. It is a release of pent up emotion. So cry if you feel like it. I am thankful your poor face is better. It looks terribly sore. OK, now I know you are feeling a bit better if you have plans to exercise. UGH!! You go girl, it is healthy and even puts you in a good frame of mind.
    My form of exercise, and I know we must, is walking. I love walking but the winter is a bad time for that when all you have is mountains everywhere you go. Ice is a problem.

    I enjoyed your photos and your text. You are a fun writer even if you don't mean to be funny, You are.
    I am sending you blessings and love Connie. I hope you have a Thanksgiving with loved ones around to cheer you up.


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