My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

About The Tragedy In Sandy Hook

It has taken me several days to absorb the tragedy in Connecticut, but while it is still fresh in our minds, I want to give you some words of consolation to allow them to percolate in your mind. Yes, it's a horrific tragedy and I hope to never, ever experience something this grievous. This story about my son is the closest I hope to ever get to such a tragedy. (And yes, I truly meant it when I said in that post that I actually felt no hate at that moment, only sorrow for the four young men AND their parents who beat him to a pulp and changed his life. I knew the Lord was with me at that point and felt like it would turn out well for this family.) We are advised to forgive in our Church. If we don't, then we are worse off. Is it easy? NO! Is it necessary? Yes! It begins the healing process for all of us. The Parkers are member of our Church—The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Robbie Parker speaks to the media.

Dave Checketts is not a professionally trained clergyman.  The former chairman of Madison Square Garden and the New York Knicks is currently CEO of Legends Hospitality, the concessions and merchandise company he jointly owns with the New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys.  But he’s also a lay minister for the Mormon Church with oversight of ten Mormon congregations in Fairfield County Connecticut, including the one in Newtown.

On Friday morning Checketts had left his New Canaan Connecticut home and headed to his Park Avenue office to prepare for a weekend business trip to Dallas for Sunday's Cowboys-Steelers game.  He and Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones planned to host a group of new investors. But late morning he got an email about a shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary.  From his laptop he accessed the church records for Mormon families in Newtown.  Five of them had children that attended the school.

A series of phone calls confirmed that all of those children were accounted for except one – six-year-old Emily Parker, a first grader.  Suddenly, it wasn't possible to focus on business.  Checketts cleared his calender for the afternoon.

Robbie and Alyssa Parker had just moved to Connecticut from Ogden, Utah.  Along with Emily, they have daughters ages 2 and 4.  Robbie, a health care professional, worked at Danbury Hospital.  When Checketts reached him there, the facility was on lockdown due to the school shooting.  Robbie was on his way to meet his wife at the fire station in Newtown.   She was there with other parents awaiting word on the children.

Checketts emailed leaders of Mormon congregations throughout western Connecticut: “Pray for Emily Parker.”
He also organized a prayer service for that night.  Then he headed back to Connecticut.  He was almost to the Parker’s home when he got word that Emily was among the 20 children who had died.  “I didn’t know what to say,” Checketts said.  “I go back and forth between tears and anger.  It is just hard to comprehend.”

The business trip to Dallas got canceled.  In an email, Checketts notified Jones and the investors. One by one, they expressed condolences and promised prayers.

When Checketts reached the Parker home, Robbie asked him to lead his family in prayer.  While praying, Checketts felt impressed to say that Robbie would deal with his grief by speaking publicly about the tragedy, and that he would emerge as a powerful voice for compassion and peace.

After the prayer, the family's needs were discussed.  Chief among them was finding a mortician.  But funeral homes in the area were overwhelmed.  Checketts promised to take care of everything, including all burial and funeral expenses.

He called a funeral home in a nearby town.  Six years earlier Checketts had attended a service there for a young Mormon missionary who was killed by a drunk driver in Argentina.

“I had to go tell that boy’s parents that he wasn’t coming home alive,” Checketts said.  It was the hardest thing he’d ever done as an ecclesiastical leader [In the LDS church he is what we call a Stake President and is the leader of a stake, which is around 2,000 to 3,000 people in a geographic area].  However, that experience had introduced Checketts to an unusually empathetic funeral director.

Suddenly facing an even harder situation, Checketts reached out to him and asked if he would prepare Emily’s body for burial.  The church, Checketts explained, would cover all the expenses.

“There will be no expenses,” the funeral director said.

The following day, after authorities released the names of the victims, Parker was the first parent  to speak to the national media.  Without notes or a spokesman, Robbie choked back tears and expressed sympathy for the family of the man who killed 26 people and himself.  "I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you," he said.

Checketts was moved to tears.“What happened in Newtown is unthinkable,” Checketts said.  “But little children are alive in Christ.  Though the nature of the crime is the essence of evil, our faith tells us that these children burst into the presence of God and are safe in his arms.”

Grief, while heartbreaking, can also give rise to powerful acts of compassion.  By the time Abraham Lincoln gave his second inaugural address on March 4, 1865, the American Civil War had claimed roughly 750,000 lives, resulting in 37,000 widows and 90,000 orphans.

Why did God allow such devastation?  It was a question Lincoln had pondered.  Plus, there were many in Washington that wanted to punish the Confederates for all the carnage. Against that backdrop, Lincoln said:

With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan—to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves, and with all nations.

One month later Lincoln was assassinated.  But those words – with malice toward none – live on.  It reminds me of the story of Kenneth Brown, a U.S. Marine serving in Japan after the atomic bomb.  It was just before Christmas when Brown encountered a Japanese professor of music who introduced himself as a Christian.   He said he had a small children’s choir and asked if they could perform a concert for the American soldiers.
Brown belonged to a unit of hardened fighters that had spent four years away from home, battling the Japanese from Saipan to Iwo Jima.  The concert took place on Christmas Eve in a bombed out theater.  The closing number was a solo from ‘The Messiah’ by a girl who sung with the conviction of one who knew that Jesus was indeed the Savior of mankind.  The soldiers cried.

Afterward, Brown asked the Japanese music professor: “How did your group manage to survive the bomb?”

“This is only half my group,” he said softly.

“And what of the families of these?”

“They nearly all lost one or more members.  Some are orphans.”

“What about the soloist?  She must have the soul of an angel the way she sang.”

“Her mother, two of her brothers were taken.  Yes, she did sing well.  I am so proud of her.  She is my daughter.”

Brown was moved to tears.  “We had caused them the greatest grief,” Brown later wrote.   “Yet we were their Christian brothers and as such they were willing to forget their grief and unite with us in singing ‘Peace on earth, goodwill to all men.’  That day I knew there was a greater power on earth than the atomic bomb.”

So if Brother Parker can forgive the young man of killing his daughter, wish peace for the remaining relatives of that man, then who am I to hold a grudge or speak ill of him. I certainly am sad for that family also and the anguish they must be feeling at all of this.

Darling shabby chic bedroom.

Pretty porch with lovelies.

Pink fabrics are always my favorites.

Interesting old sturdy door.

A chair and pillow I should love to have. There are chairs for company and chairs for reading. This is definitely a chair to sit in properly with company.

Beautiful sparklies.

Very interesting covers for chairs.

Another gorgeous sun room with lace curtains.

Just some darling eye candy cupcakes. I have many sitting around my home.

Italy? I should think living here would be kind of noisy with the breaking of the waves but it sure looks beautiful for a visit.

A shop somewhere with interesting and cute displays. I love this one of bottles and cans matching.

Basket of flowers

A small quiet village.

Oooooh, the plethora of roses over this entrance!

I have cans like this here in my office holding things. Paint a large can, add decals and voilá you've got a stunning display for pencils, paint brushes, flowers, etc.

The four hotels at the intersection of Las Vegas Blvd. and Topicana in Las Vegas have more hotel rooms than all the hotels in San Francisco combined.


  1. Dear Connie
    I heard Emily's dad talk that night and I knew he would touch millions of people.
    As I told you before you are such a true "PROVERBS 31" wise.
    Your pictures are gorgeous...may I copy some of them for my Inspiration bullentin board.
    Hugs and Prayers

  2. Sending you a hug, much love and a Merry Christmas from me to you and all your family. You are such a lovely, lovely lady.

  3. A beautiful post, Connie! Miss you and hope you are well!!

  4. how beautiful about that the church immediately stepped in to help. I would like to think that our church would do the same, but as we have not had such an event, I do not know. I, too have wondered about how these things happen. It is just insane and unbelievable. It also was moving that Mr. Parker spoke of forgiveness to the shooter. I would like to think I would do that but I won't know unless I was in a similar situation. Forgiveness is such an important thing. I have been holding in some anger with a particular cousin for the last 3 years and even more from the time my mother died in October 2010. This cousin's daughter is now fighting breast cancer. It is a rare type and it is very agressive. The prognosis is not good. Between these two type events has made me realize that I am not being forgiving like God calls us to do.

    I do hope you have a beautiful Christmas.

  5. Blessings, Connie,
    I have been so moved by your thoughtful and compassionate post. What our world needs more than anything is God's love. He has used you to spread that message to so many through your post.
    Merry Christmas and thank you for sharing from your heart.
    Carolynn xxx

  6. Connie,
    I LOVE the peaceful look of the Shabby Chic bedroom....and of all the furniture, floral and lace pictures you have posted. The waves on the coast of Italy are just as relaxing, not noisy at all, and the sound, for me, just evoked reflection and peace with Heavenly Father as I enjoyed the beauties of the world that He has provided for us while we spend our time here on the Earth. The sparkles and the chandelier remind me of the stars in the beautiful night sky, and the light they give to us and the wonder they impress upon me as I view them, knowing that in all this Infinite Universe, God knows and love each and every one of us and wants us to return to Him. All these things are beautiful and peaceful to look at, but none of them can, in an of themselves, impart the Peace that comes from feeling the Love of God in our hearts. Only the Lord's Love can cast out fear, emotional pain and bring understanding to our minds and hearts. When things happen in our world that bring emotional pain, suffering, confusion, anger, and death, no amount of furntiure or lace or waves or vacations to foreign countries or chandeliers or sparkles can bring us comfort, yet they all point to the only source of true comfort in our lives, they are gifts from a Loving God, who wants us to choose to come unto Him and partake of His love that offers peace to our souls in every time of life. I LOVE the pictures you have chosen today, they represent in a way, the Love of God that Robbie Parker and Dave Checketts have found and therefore, return to their fellowman. I LOVE the door to the Castle you posted with the gorgeous flowers in front of it. If we will just choose to do whatever it takes to get through that door, to the Lord, we will be in a safe place, with a sure foundation, where comfort is always available. Life will still be hard sometimes and tragic sometimes and very very sad sometimes.......but we will have access to that ever enduring Love that fills our hearts and minds with love for others, even those who have intended to harm us. You have that love in your heart, Connie. Thank you so much for this beautiful post....and for your example as a Daughter of Christ.
    Hugs to your Heart,

  7. Powerful post (and pink too) prayer, faith and love with forgiveness will get the families and friends through this terrible time.

  8. The poor man, Adam...must have been insane at the moment of the killings. I don't think anyone in their right mind could do such a thing. Of course, he is to be pitied. Such a terrible thing for every one involved.

    I got my paper snowflakes mailed to the school today.

    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas..
    xo bj


Comments are so nice and I thank all of you that leave one for me.