My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Random Thought on Sunday Night

I've been a bit sad lately. I'm truly a happy and upbeat kinda gal, but some circumstances this past week have just beaten me into the ground. It's my own fault for being so outspoken, never one to be timid in sharing my beliefs or opinions on something. Yesssss, I do try to hold my tongue and thought I'd turned over a new leaf when we moved here 3 years ago, but as fate would have it I stuck foot in mouth trying to make way for the other foot in there also! Has anyone ever suffered this malady besides me? Hmmmmm? I wonder not to assuage my "guilt" because I don't believe I'm guilty of some heinous crime. I simply stuck up for a belief that is near and dear to my heart. Can you identify with this? I'm not known for my timidity, but rather known for my temerity. And temerity is the right word here. Hubs said to stop agonizing over it but that's easier said than done. I'm simply not sure what to do but it's more than I want to cope with at this time in my life.
~~*~~

A few weeks ago I won a blog giveaway and received a book about Christmas containing several short stories about the religious significance of the holiday. I hadn't read it until this afternoon when I picked it up and read the preface and the author's notes in the back. Then I started reading.

The first story was about a woman who had lost her husband and was now spending her first Christmas without him. They had decided to have no children so she was quite alone and feeling very lonely and melancholy.

While plucking at the pages I noticed my finger nails needed a bit of tending, which is oft the case with these nails. My hands are working hands, not hands of leisure. They take a daily beating while keyboarding, washing pots, scrubbing paint off of them, washing clothes and ironing, sewing, gluing, crafting in some fashion or simply making beds. They aren't idle very often.

I looked at them as I was filing what's left of the chipped nails to get them to some semblance of "beauty" and wondered if my hubby would look at them when I'm preparing to leave this world and think they were beautiful. I'm truly not into beauty but try to be as attractive as possible for the man I absolutely adore more than life itself. I looked at the age spots that I'm trying diligently to bleach out with some product that promises to make them look as though no one can tell my age by looking at them. Well, they can see the wrinkles that have been accumulating for almost 70 years now! So why do I care about my hands so much??? I don't know; it just made me weep to think of what he'll remember when I'm gone. My clear green eyes, my wrinkled face, my slowly graying hair, my brown spots or my struggling nails or the fact that I'm no longer here to talk to him. Will he miss me terribly and weep as that woman did in the story? I think he would; he's a very emotional guy and not at all afraid to show emotion to me or our kids.

This is one of the photos I took at the nursery and that is my hand. I noticed it while perusing the photos and editing them. That's another reason I thought of my hands today while primping them. Oh, well, I'd better get to bed and muse some more tomorrow.

22 comments:

  1. Please don't be sad.This is America ,you are intitled to your opinon.I stuck my foot in my mouth this morning on a doll group I belonged to since 1997.Its called the Doll Forum at MSN,I kind of feel bad,but not.Some one from another country made a mockery of our country and I blasted the hell out of them.I'v never done that before, online that is.So you are not the only one.Cheer up,its the holidays.You have lots of blogging friends and we love you.You always brighten my days with your comments.Hugs Marie antionette

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  2. Your husband will remember your heart and soul. Very nice post! And don`t fret about your temerity and words spoken. I adore honest, open people.

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  3. Connie Heres a big hug for ya.Sorry you are feeling sad.Your dear hubby will not worry about your nails.He will think of you and your happy memories and all the love in your heart.Your a sweetie and don't let anyone get ya down.Love ya,Jen

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  4. Hey Connie!
    Don't feel sad sweetie. I've stuck my foot in my mouth a many of time too. I think we all have at some time. I've come to find out that I always feel guilty when I do that too. I Don't know why. I guess because I don't want hurt anybody. We all have a right to our opinions though, ya know.... so don't feel bad....whatever you said, It's what you thought and that's your right. Bless your heart, I can understand exactly how you fell when you think about leaving this world....we all think about our loved ones too, and how they'll feel when we are gone. We can hold onto the promises of God and know that death is not the end. There will come a day when there will be no more tears and we will spend eternity with the ones we love. But when the time comes for you to leave this earth... I know you will have left behind a lifetime of love and sweet memories for all of your family and friends. I know I will never forget you. You are precious. I have an award up for you. Hope you have a great day!
    xoxo,
    Queenie

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  5. Foot and mouth disease? Yeah, got that! Sometimes you have to remember that given the circumstances, it's not always the speakers fault. If people choose to get bent over an honest expression of your belief, then they're not being very honest with themselves or have the intellectual eyesight of a mole. Something I have to remind myself of that when I 'let go of the leash a bit' when speaking my mind.

    Have some yummy desserts, kick your feet up on a cushy footstool and nevermind it.

    ~Stacey

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  6. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I admire the fact that you stated what you believed. I was caught in a quilting class and heard such an outrageous story that I had to speak up. Sometimes we can't let things just lie the way they are. Smile and forget about who you may have offended. You said what you felt was right and I'm proud of that. As for your hands, your husband will look at them with love knowing they are the hands of a hard working woman. I know I look at my husband's hands that way. He's a hard working blue collar worker and I'm proud of his scraggly rough hands!!

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  7. Hi Connie ~ don't feel sad dear..I too, have stuck my foot in my mouth many many times. But I speak the way I feel, which sometimes, people don't like. Oh well, that's just me!

    Your hubby will remember all the good times you had together and your love for him.

    Hugz
    Michele

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  8. Connie, I am guilty of putting my foot in my mouth also. I would say something and then I beat myself over the head for saying it. As I grow older, I am not so hard on myself. As long as what I say is not cruel, I feel that I am entitled to my opinion. Also, I understand how you feel about beauty. I was always so self conscious about my nails. For a year and a half I have been going to a nail technician every two and a half or three weeks. I started with tips and now my nails are my own with acrylic on them. They are polished and they are pretty (my hands are still work worn). The only time I use rubber gloves is when I clean the bathrooms. This is my treat to myself and my nails do stay nice. Maybe it is something that you would like to do for yourself.
    Hugs,
    Sweetie

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  9. Hi, dear friend! I'm back home now after a wonderful visit with my two girls.

    I'm sure you have done NOTHING wrong, so please get HAPPY :0) again.

    I missed you & all the PRH gals, so I'll try to pop in tonight!

    Love & Big HUGS!!
    Stephanie
    Angelic Accents

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  10. Don't be sad, it's our unique and individual opinions that keep this melting pot such an interesting place. It's your God Given Right to feel the way you want, think the way you want, and say what you want. I don't believe you would say something to hurt anyone intentionally so I'm guessing someone just didn't agree with your opinion, and you know what? That's okay :0).
    Not to worry the lines and wrinkes. Don't you know every single time worn line is a masterpiece of love? You silly chick, you probably forgot :0)

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  11. My sweet Connie!
    I feel so sad that you feel sad.
    YOu are such a blast of fresh air in this world that I cant imgaine anyone finding fault with you. even so... even if you did... you are human and certainly allowed, and just the fact that you feel upset about it tells alot about your good heart and that should make most realize you didnt do it on purpose or meant to be intentionaly unkind.
    Ive only known you a short time through blogging but what ive seen is the sweetest kindest soul
    around!!!!
    And your question of would your husband miss you when your gone!!
    absolutely!! I would miss you and Ive known you for such a short time. but I do know that you are a genuine, unsuperficial, down to earth, humble, kind, loving, funny, witty,charming, person that
    will be sorely miss when your gone.
    If I feel that way I can only imagine how much more your hubbie will miss you!
    lots of hugs coming your way!
    Sandy

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  12. hope you're feeling better. we all have been "there". all your pinks are wonderful from saturday! have a great week!!

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  13. Oh Connie, don't be sad. We all make mistakes and usually it seems worse to us than it does to others.
    Better to offend with your HONESTY than to be the sort of person who is two faced or a liar.

    I'll bet your husband loves you so much he doesn't even notice the signs of aging. My dad tells me all the time how beautiful my mum is and they are both 70. Sometimes I think they behave like teenagers...LOL
    Hugs,
    Kerryanne

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  14. don't worry Connie I think everyone has had that happen to them at least one time in their lives. Don't be sad this too shall pass..

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  15. You are such a Sweet and BEAUTIFUL lady. I know that Love Bunny sees the young girl that he married when he looks at you. I too see my Hubby as the day I married him. What you did was RIGHT and TRUTH. Don't ever apologize for speaking truth. Jesus did and was crucified, so there will always be those with petty , sinful hearts that will try and hurt you for speaking truth. Give it NO mind and just keep beings sweet, lovable you, and stand by your principles. There are a lot of people it says in the Bible that will say "Yes Lord" that He will say , "depart from me, I never knew you." People who cheat, steal , lie and envy. People that are hurt inside and want everyone else to hurt along with them. And there are those that have heard truth and choose the lie instead. You are not going to be one of those people sweets. He know every hair on your head, Our Lord does and He loves you. Jesus says, Do not fear the World, I have overcome The World. :) So , Chin up, You DID the RIGHT thing. :)

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  16. Dear Sweet Pea,
    I know exactly how you feel. I think about these things more often than I should actually. My plump belly, my wrinkling face, and my age spots. Jeesh, we do know how to beat ourselves up, don't we.

    I think we need to spend time thinking about how our lives have given pleasure to so many, just by the little things we do. Even if it's just a kind "hello". I know that is what you mean to me. So my sweet friend, put a smile on your face and know that you are loved by many no matter how you look.

    Please email me, I have something I want to chat with you about when you are up to it! It's all good.

    xo Your Sweet Pea Friend, Cath

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  17. Dear Sweet Pea,
    I know exactly how you feel. I think about these things more often than I should actually. My plump belly, my wrinkling face, and my age spots. Jeesh, we do know how to beat ourselves up, don't we.

    I think we need to spend time thinking about how our lives have given pleasure to so many, just by the little things we do. Even if it's just a kind "hello". I know that is what you mean to me. So my sweet friend, put a smile on your face and know that you are loved by many no matter how you look.

    Please email me, I have something I want to chat with you about when you are up to it! It's all good.

    xo Your Sweet Pea Friend, Cath

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  18. Hi Connie,
    Thank you for stopping by and leaving me that sweet comment. I am so close to getting my slip covers done and I need all the encouragement I can get !!!!
    You said you lived in Hayward at one time....How long ago?. Your daughter and I are neighbors. I have lived in California all my life, born in Oakland live in San Lorenzo...I didn't get to far....my roots are planted here...I'm lucky my children all live close as well....
    I was reading your blog and I did enjoy it....you have some lovely things and I also loved looking at you wish pictures....very pretty.....
    Hugs,
    Mo :-)
    P.S. At one time or another we have all put our foot in our mouth...It is just life...this week it was just your turn...next week it will be someone else...don't worry about it tomorrow you will feel so much better.....BIG HUG !!!!!

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  19. Connie - I think it is a truly wonderful thing that you are so in love with your husband and he with you after so many years together. You are truly blessed. True love does not see wrinkles, brown spots or chipped nails. Those hands of yours have nurtured to make a beautiful, loving home for your family. The love you have always given is what will be remembered long after you are gone and that is a beautiful legacy.

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  20. Oh sweetie...I have so been there too. Do NOT feel so bad. It happens and you are allowed to speak your mind. Anyone that really matters KNOWS your tender and oh so wonderful heart. We all love you and KNOW what our Conniekins is all about. Honesty and openess is a gift...embrace it. I wish more could BE honest! I love you for your sweet and inspiring nature. YOU are a special lady. I am proud to know you.

    Love,
    Sue

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  21. Oh, Connie, I hope this belated comment finds you feeling happier again. It must me something in the air as I've had a bit of a post-move letdown myself, but I remind myself that -- without the valleys, there would be no peaks.

    Yeah, whatever, I WANT ALL PEAKS!
    :-)))

    As for feet in mouth, sugar sweet, take a good look at any photo of me. My cheeks look like toes my feet are in there so often.

    Big Happy Hugs to you from me. Not only Love Bunny and Nancy, but ALL of us would weep and sob loudly if you were gone. And we wouldn't care one WHIT what your nails looked like.

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Comments are so nice and I thank all of you that leave one for me.